Bakugo The Beast
by Dr. Pickle 22
Summary: Katsuki Bakugo is rude. This sometimes causes problems, but he's got other things to worry about, like why his entire class is suddenly furniture. Those issues might actually be related if that old lady had anything to do with it. (Beauty and the Beast AU I guess, but no romance XD)


It was a lovely summer afternoon, cooler than it had been for weeks. Patches of sun on the ground of the marketplace brightened and dimmed as fluffy clouds sailed across the sky. People exchanged friendly greetings with each other, their moods lifted by the weather and the weekend, conversation and market noise mingling with trees rustling and a wind chime somewhere.

Not that Katsuki Bakugo cared. He was here for a couple groceries, and that was it. These idiots were just standing around chatting like they thought everyone else should have to wait on them, and he had to get back to the dorm and write a paper. The general good-mood-iness of the crowd was affecting him negatively, if anything.

Bakugo walked up to a vegetable stand, hands shoved into his pockets. He scowled at the cucumbers. The sign said they were fresh picked, but if he knew anything about produce (which he did) these were at least a week old. Some were bruised and carefully placed so it wouldn't be obvious. He debated whether picking a fight with the stand owner would be worth it, and decided it was.

"Hey."

The elderly stand owner looked up. "What can I do for you, young man?" She smiled, but it was half-baked and there was a note of disapproval in her eyes.

"If you're going to sell crappy vegetables, at least be honest about it," he growled.

The stand owner's smile got bigger and faker. There was a lot more than a note of disapproval now. "Young man, I can assure you these vegetables were picked fresh this morning by my grandchildren. See, they're still covered with dew, and only-"

"Bull. You bought these from the discount section at the supermarket and sprayed 'em with a hose," said Bakugo loudly.

Her smile disappeared. "If you don't like them, no one is stopping you from going somewhere else." She leaned across the cucumbers and lowered her tone menacingly. "Now get out. You're going to scare away my customers."

Bakugo grinned slightly at that. This hag actually had some spirit in her. "Fine," he said, turning away, "but if anyone gets scared off, Pickle Nose, it's all your own fault for selling slimy overpriced produce." And believing that was the end of that, he sidled off to find some vegetables that wouldn't give anyone food poisoning.

But "Pickle Nose", as Bakugo had so accurately called her, did not think that was the end of it. And after whispering something to the younger woman working alongside her, she removed her apron and followed Bakugo all the way back to U.A. covertly. There was no way some sweaty teenage upstart too big for his metaphorical britches (his literal britches were too big for him, actually) would cross her and get away with it that easily.

Nobody had ever gotten away with it that easily.

The next afternoon, 19 of the 20 students in class 1-A returned to the dorms immediately after school after the day's unusually intense training session. Unsurprisingly, the missing one was Bakugo. When Kirishima had asked him where he was going, he'd simply said "Jogging," and left without any more explanation. Kaminari had wiped his sweaty forehead and wondered how Bakugo still had the energy for that, and the rest of the class had mumbled an agreement before dragging themselves back to the dorm to shower and change.

Bakugo was unlocking the front door with his keycard an hour later when the doormat spoke. They didn't have a doormat, much less a talking one, which was why he barely managed to contain a yelp of surprise. He did, however. Jumpscares weren't out of the ordinary when you encountered villains on a monthly basis and lived in a building with an invisible girl.

The really odd thing was that it was Deku's voice coming out of the dark green welcome mat.

"Kacchan, you're, uh- you're standing on me. Could you please-"

Where the HECK did that stupid Deku get the nerve to prank him? Though Bakugo wouldn't admit it, he had been startled. Just a little bit.

"DEKU, YOU SMUG LITTLE- GET OUT HERE! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!" Bakugo's hands began sparking as he looked around for the prankster. Maybe it wasn't Deku, maybe it was somebody else using a recording. That didn't change anything. He was still going to blast them straight to hell when he found them.

The doormat spoke again. "This might sound weird, but- well, it's a long story, and I think she got everyone else too. But how did she even get past campus security? Her quirk isn't great for sneaking around or signal disruption, and there should be measures in place that would at least-"

"STOP YOUR DANG BABBLING!"

"Right, sorry, Kacchan. I'm... actually the doormat."

"YOU THINK I'M STUPID?"

"Of course n- OW!"

Bakugo gave the doormat a stomp for good measure and marched inside.

As he approached the common area, he could hear his classmates' voices in varying degrees of panic.

"Has anyone seen Toru?"

"No one's ever seen her, Ashido!"

"Ah, sacre bleu! I can't feel my legs!"

"You're a disco ball, you don't HAVE legs!"

"ATTENTION, CLASSMATES! We need to take a roll call to ensure everyone's safety! Please state your name and the piece of furniture you have assimilated into!"

"Hi everybody, welcome to Household Objects Anonymous. I'm Hanta Sero and I'm still a tape dispenser."

Bakugo entered the common area. Not a single person was in sight, but voices came from various pieces of furniture and objects that were scattered about.

"BAKUGO!" shouted the coffee table. "You're still human!" That was Four-Eyes, the last person Bakugo would expect to be in on an elaborate prank like this. The guy was (really) annoying, but he wouldn't deliberately make a fool out of anyone.

"Hey, guess what!" said a yellow lamp on a side table.

"Don't guess," moaned a large speaker from the corner. "You've only made this joke eight times already, Kaminari."

The lamp switched on. "I'm LIT!"

Bakugo studied the coffee table, checking underneath it for hidden wires or something, but there was nothing there. There was, however, a scrap of paper on top. "An old woman came in here and used her quirk to place everyone in a piece of furniture," explained Iida. "She left that. Told us it was for... you, I assume, although I'd rather not repeat what she referred to you as."

He picked up the note, blocking out everyone's frantic chatter as he read the scrawly writing.

"Young man,

Your mouth is out of control and your attitude needs a major adjustment. I'll turn your friends back once you figure out how to be nice and respect your elders.

Sincerely, Kyuuri Majo-San"

HIS mouth? Like hell it was. Old hag sounded like Jeanist. He crumpled the note, swearing loudly.

Four-Eyes' voice interrupted the stream of profanity. "Wait, Bakugo... do you know what this is about?"

Bakugo glared at him.

"She's gonna DIE."


End file.
